Laughter is the best Medicine

[Guest sy69u]

>>

>> Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.

like u bro?????

[Guest fruitcakepablohoney]

like u bro?????

How many times i gotta tell you...i'm only 26 hor!!!

[Guest daywalker]

The love story of Ralph and Edna.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you

want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all

they have.

Ralph and! Edna were both patients in a mental

hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital

swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the

bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save

him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of

Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the

hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she

went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and

bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able

to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the

person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound

mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his

bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's

dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'

[Guest sy69u]

hahahahahaha..... good 1

[Guest C350]

THE CAR COST $4.8 MILLION

IF YOU WANT TO TOUCH IT, YOU PAY $1,000.

IT BELONGS TO

PRINCE ALWALEED yes, from

SAUDI ARABIA.

Diamond Covered Mercedes of Prince Waleed:

Remember this when gasoline hits $5.00 a gallon.

Yes, you paid for this one.

[Guest sy69u]

just follow the car & hope that a piece of the diamonds fall off.... hehehehehehehe

[Guest jameslhm]

bro i drive behind u lol

[Guest jenvid]

If you have two cows, you need some cow sense to do business!

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull..

Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market

them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and

milk themselves...

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.

You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.

Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.

When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and

now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk.

They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine

instead. Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

One cow-peh and one cow-bu

[Guest jenvid]

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life...

I said to her:

'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on

machines and liquids from a bottle.

If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the

contraptions that

are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.

Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration

towards me.....

and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the

Computer,

the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and

threw

away all my beer!!

*.........I ALMOST DIED!!!*

[Guest 9339]

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you

remember the first time we had sex together over fifty

years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there

again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but

good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their

conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks

to himself : ? I've got to see these two old-timers

having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them

so there's no trouble. ? So he discreetly follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each

other for support aided by walking sticks.

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make

their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and

the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the

fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt

into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever

seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are

making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally,

they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned

something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground

recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put

their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching

and thinks to himself : ? This is truly amazing, I've got

to ask them what their secret is. ?

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me,

but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic

sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply ? Fifty

years ago the fence wasn't ELECTRIC ! ?

[g8crasher]

Q. What's the difference between a Lehman Brother's executive and a pigeon ?

A. A pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

*courtesy of south china morning post

[Guest jenvid]

These days we need some humor... ... ... ... ... ...

New Stock Market Terms & More

· CEO - : Chief Embezzlement Officer

· CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

· BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

· BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

· VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower

· P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing

· BROKER - What my broker has made me

· STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock

· STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves

· FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected

· MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks

· CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

· YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share

· WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share

· INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse

· PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use

Last but not least

· STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell

- - -

[Guest Mike]

Nice 1 bro... =)

[Guest jenvid]

Guess this has been circulating around for a while but anyway...

---------------------------------------------------------

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a

plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe

Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,

and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'

pilots

(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by

maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had

an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

Descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Guest jenvid]

George Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman

brothers... His thoughts at this time go out to their mother as losing

one son is hard but losing two is a tragedy.

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that

on the left side

nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion.

The rest are all

subprime.

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back.

For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About

Three Pounds Fifty...

A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and

I still have a wife."

If you want to gamble, go to Las Vegas. If you want to trade in

derivatives, God bless you.

What's the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas

and an investment banker? A tie.

What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures.

Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had enough

money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pickup. Last week, I checked it

out, and if I sold another fifty shares, I'd have enough money to

buy a 1967 Ford pickup. So, the market has stablized.

[Guest 9339]

:clap: :thumbsup:

I think if let Sy say this whole thing out...it would be lagi best. :thumbsup:

[Guest sy69u]

hahahahahahahaah

[Guest narmi]

Just thought i'd start this thread again since we are lacking some laughter in our lives..

Lesson learnt - Don't always think we are smarter than our mothers or wives!!

Lesson 1

A man called home to his wife and said, ' Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends

We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up'

' Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. '

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, 'Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?'

You'll love the answer...

The wife replied, 'I did. They're in your fishing box ...'

Lesson 2

A Mom went to visit her son Kumar for dinner and found that Kumar had a girl by the name of Sunita for a housemate...

During the course of dinner, Kumar's mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's housemate was and the mother was suspicious of a possible

relationship between the two....

Over the course of the evening while watching Kumar and Sunita interacted, the mother started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his

housemate than met the eyes and this made the mother even more curious..

Reading his mother's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking but I assure you, Sunita and I are just housemates".

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner that night, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said,” Well, I doubt it but I'll email her just to be sure". So he sat down and wrote to his mother :

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house. I’m not saying that you did not take the silver plate ...But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner ...

Love,

Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you do sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow..

Love,

Mom

Lesson to be learnt :

Don't Lie To Your Mother

She's Smarter Than You Think She Is ....

[Guest 9339]

Both are good..... :thumbsup:

[Guest sy69u]

hahahahahaha....... datuk speaking from experience????????????

[Guest jameslhm]

gd ones