Laughter is the best Medicine

[Guest funng]

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, "Hey, what're you in for?"

"I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried," said Tim.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Sammy said. "I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!"

"Oh yeah?'' replied Tim. "That's not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?"

"I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is," Sammy answered.

"Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!"

[Guest funng]

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

[Guest 9339]

[keltanky]

i tot Gumball3000 has already arrived..

hmmm taxi challenge with these cars... not bad taxi can get 3rd place before the start of the race

[Guest jenvid]

"Chemistry made simple" by a Political Scientist

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since

Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,

because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

[keltanky]

wahahahahahaha :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :punk1: :punk1:

[Guest redbell]

Really Scary Ghost Story

Think twice next time you jump into a strangers car !

This story happened about a month ago, in a little town in Mexico, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale it’s real.

This guy was on the side of the road, hitch hiking, on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm.

The night was black and no cars went by. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It stopped.

The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car, closed the door and and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel.

The car started slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way.

Scared he starts to pray begging for his life. He hasn’t come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve,

a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel.

The guy, paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they get to a curve.

The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest town.

Wet and in shock, he goes to a cantina and asks for two shots of tequila,

and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went thru.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy is crying and isn’t drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same cantina and one said to the other.

“Look Pepe, there’s the jerk that got in the car when we were pushing it!!!

[Guest jenvid]

Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)

Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)

Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)

Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)

Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)

Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)

Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)

Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)

Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)

Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)

Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)

Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)

Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)

Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)

Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)

Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)

Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)

Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)

Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

[Guest jenvid]

Marvelous answer

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car

when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was

standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to

take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,” Hello Doctor!! Please come

over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked

argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take

valves out, grind ' em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will

work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me

is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running"

[Guest jenvid]

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees

is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and

pressed. He looks around the room and sees that

it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

'Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.

Love You!'

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and

sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, 'Son, what happened last night?'

His son says, 'Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.

Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye

when you stumbled into the door'. Confused, the man asks,

'So, why is everything in order and so clean, and

breakfast is on the table waiting for me?

I should expect a big quarrel with her!'

His son replies, 'Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,

and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,

you said,

'LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!'

Moral:

Self-induced hangover - $400.00

Broken crockery - $800.00

Breakfast - $10.00

Saying the Right Thing While Drunk? 'PRICELESS'

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy

[Guest fruitcakepablohoney]

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment

and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,

some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on

the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the

mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde

says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,

so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment

unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him

in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,

she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SIXTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house

ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,

then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.

I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

[Guest angela]

Condom says to Pad ........

'When you work, I lose seven days of business.'

Pad replies, 'If you fail to work once, my business stops for Nine months!'

**************************************

A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: 'Why do you have your boobs on your back?'

The camel responded: 'What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!'

*************************************

A black guy and a white girl met at a niteclub. She took him to her apartment and said: 'Tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!'...

So he ran off with the TV and DVD Player...

*********************************

Wife: 'I wish I was a newspaper, so that you could hold me every morning!'

Husband: ' Me too, my dear, so that I can have a NEW ONE every morning!'

**********************************

A Chinese couple got married. When the baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, name of baby was SUM TING LONG ('some thing wrong')

*******************************

A lady visited her doctor one morning. Doc said: 'You look so weak and Exhausted!

Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised?

Lady: 'Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!'

**********************************

Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....

When the caller asked 'what's he doing?' the maid Replied:

MASTURBATING.'(Master bathing)

[Guest daywalker]

CNC ]

Condom says to Pad ........

' wrote:

**************************************

A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: 'Why do you have your boobs on your back?'

The camel responded: 'What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!'

*************************************

A black guy and a white girl met at a niteclub. She took him to her apartment and said: 'Tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!'...

So he ran off with the TV and DVD Player...

*********************************

Wife: 'I wish I was a newspaper, so that you could hold me every morning!'

Husband: ' Me too, my dear, so that I can have a NEW ONE every morning!'

**********************************

A Chinese couple got married. When the baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, name of baby was SUM TING LONG ('some thing wrong')

*******************************

A lady visited her doctor one morning. Doc said: 'You look so weak and Exhausted!

Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised?

Lady: 'Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!'

**********************************

Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....

When the caller asked 'what's he doing?' the maid Replied:

MASTURBATING.'(Master bathing)

LOL...these are GREAT! Had a good laugh

[Guest daywalker]

Have a laugh........

.

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian

student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some

American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who

had his hand up:

'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.*

'Very good!'

Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for

the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.

'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.*

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be

ashamed.

Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about

its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F*ck the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put

his hand up.

'General Custer, 1862.'*

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm

gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who

said that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says,

'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991.'*

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck

this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and

shouts to the teacher,

'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997!'*

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little

sh!t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his

voice,' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against

him 2004.'*

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the

teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh sh!t, we're f*cked!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

I think it was George Bush, Iraq, 2007.'*

[Guest flower]

Have a laugh........

.

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian

student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some

American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who

had his hand up:

'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.*

'Very good!'

Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for

the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.

'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.*

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be

ashamed.

Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about

its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F*ck the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put

his hand up.

'General Custer, 1862.'*

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm

gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who

said that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says,

'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991.'*

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck

this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and

shouts to the teacher,

'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997!'*

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little

sh!t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his

voice,' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against

him 2004.'*

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the

teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh sh!t, we're f*cked!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

I think it was George Bush, Iraq, 2007.'*

Now who say history is boring.....

[Guest sy69u]

Have a laugh........

.

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian

student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some

American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who

had his hand up:

'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.*

'Very good!'

Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for

the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.

'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.*

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be

ashamed.

Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about

its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F*ck the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put

his hand up.

'General Custer, 1862.'*

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm

gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who

said that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says,

'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991.'*

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck

this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and

shouts to the teacher,

'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997!'*

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little

sh!t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his

voice,' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against

him 2004.'*

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the

teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh sh!t, we're f*cked!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

I think it was George Bush, Iraq, 2007.'*

HAHAHAHAHAHA..... good 1. never heard that before.

[Guest fruitcakepablohoney]

Good one! :thumbsup:

[Guest 9339]

Saw this some times ago...

Another one is " Kan Ning Yan" (Chasing Goat) and "Chao Zhi By" (grass moving)

Carry on seeing the rest of those clip. :thumbsup:

[Guest 9339]

[keltanky]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Guest sy69u]

The person who invented this is genius!

When Dr. Mahathir was Prime Minister of Malaysia

One lousy day in the middle of the economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Malaysia .

One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.

After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that he must do :

Bomoh : Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.

Dr M : But Why ?

Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'.

You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh : Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.

Dr M: What! why him ?

Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.

Dr M: But how ? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh : Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR.

Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly

This one lagi best. The latest according to the trend.

Subject: M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R

This is a new acronymn... stands for:

Must

Always

Hantam

Abdullah

Till

He

Is

Removed

[g8crasher]

:sex: that was funny

[keltanky]

wow man must cut & paste ans send to my Malaysian Chinese!!!

[Guest fruitcakepablohoney]

Don't mess with the English

An Englishman is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: 'You English folk eat the whole bread??'

Englishman (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??'

Englishman: 'Of Course.'

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to England.'

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: 'Do you have sex in France ?'

Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.'

Englishman: 'We don't. In England , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France .'

[Guest 9339]

wow man must cut & paste ans send to my Malaysian Chinese!!!

Kel, better dont. You wont want to be the next aftet that National anthem guy right?