Laughter is the best Medicine

[Guest sy69u]

I CAN READ IT! CAN YOU ????

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

[Guest 9339]

Someone did it before leh ..... :banghead:

So easy :tazzie:

[Guest sy69u]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish..............................49

Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends

Athletic............................No boobs

Average looking.................Ugly

Beautiful...........................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure..............On medication

Feminist............................Fat

Free spirit..........................Junkie

Friendship first...................Former slut

Fun..................................Annoying

Gentle..............................Dull

New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded.....................Desperate

Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate........................Sloppy drunk

Poet.................................Depressive

Professional.......................Bitch

Romantic...........................Frigid

Voluptuous........................Very Fat

Large frame.......................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate................Stalker

Widow..............................Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

[Guest sy69u]

*** The Day the Penis asked for a Raise ***

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following

reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you

have raised,

The administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting

other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and

stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as

wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have

completed your assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and

exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

[Guest jenvid]

1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE:

http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/

2. TYPE YOUR FIRST NAME ON THE 1st LINE

3. TYPE YOUR LAST NAME ON THE 2nd LINE

(Skip your e-mail address.) Enlarge the viewing screen!!

4. Click on "Vizualizar" and watch what happens ... & don't ask me how they do that !

[Guest sy69u]

hahahahahaha. good one. think they are using autodesk 3d max to create it. think so only hor....................

[Guest 9339]

Fxxk, i had randy on the butt...... hahaaa.........

[Guest jenvid]

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend

and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one

little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful

younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near

me, and I always got more than a nice view.. It had to

be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to

come over to check the wedding invitations. She was

alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't

overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once

before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged! me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Guest narmi]

MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! :clap: :clap: :clap:

Gd advice!!!

[Guest Raskie]

Jenvid ... :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Guest flower]

Good advise..... :thumbsup:

[Guest flower]

I am referring to the female side to test on future husband lah... :2guns: So if he falls into it, then heeheehee :death:

[Guest 9339]

Aiya....very bad to have "test here test there" la, vice versa.

If have ? , ?? and ??? , why plan to marry him/her ?

[Guest C350]

I am referring to the female side to test on future husband lah... :2guns: So if he falls into it, then heeheehee :death:

those that can pass the test are not avaliable liao. :yumyum: :bboyspin: :tongue1:

[Guest C350]

[Guest sy69u]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. funny & f..king good lah.

[Guest 9339]

Not only children speak their mind, adult too....hahaaa

[Guest jenvid]

Not only children speak their mind, adult too....hahaaa

Adult speak their mind with age & wisdom !!! ahahaha

[Guest jenvid]

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

[Guest jenvid]

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife : 'Yes or no.'

[Guest 9339]

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

:thumbsup: Dumper

[Guest 9339]

Durian -

Ah Beng was on a motorbike with Ah Lian after a durian shopping trip.

Ah Lian was holding on to 2 big bags of durians when they rode over a hump,

Ah Beng asked loudly: 'lieulian kalau boh!' (durians got dropped or not?).'

Ah Lian shouted: 'boh kalau lah!'

So Ah Beng continued with the journey. When they reached home, Ah Beng got down from his motorbike and was shocked to see that Ah Lian was not wearing a helmet.

He asked Ah Lian: 'Where is your helmet?' Ah Lian was very angry and replied: 'Just now I already told you 'boh kalau' (helmet drop)!'

LOL!!

[Guest fruitcakepablohoney]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so

much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have

never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into

bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel

like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me

to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look

by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in

the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with

her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on

several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to

take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to

compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We

went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond

earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was

one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because

she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play

tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel

like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled

WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're

just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy

your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she

was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and

not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[Guest sy69u]

hahahahahaha.. no sex for the 3 months hor................ (with the same woman of coz).............

[Guest fruitcakepablohoney]

>> An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several

>> years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted

>> mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it

>> was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of

>> the fruit trees.

>>

>> One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over,

>> as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to

>> bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting

>> and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young

>> women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence

>> and they all went to the deep end.

>>

>> One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

>> The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim

>> naked or make you get out of the dam naked.'

>>

>> Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.'

>>

>> Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.