Crazy jokes to cool down the steam....

[Guest dash]

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill

a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four

people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in

and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of

them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table

the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, A

THOUGHT.

It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the

way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he

asked the second man.

"Hmm....let me see. A BLINK ! It comes and goes and you don't know

that it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye... that's a

very popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the

wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across

the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.

Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he

had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same

question.

The last man replied, "After hearing the three previous answers,

it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is STOMACH UPSET.

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I

wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I

could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already pooped my pants!

and HE GOT THE JOB! :afro:

[Guest dash]

The Smart Student

A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one

of her students.The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My

sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in

Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the

principal that the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would

give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his

questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave. The teacher

agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry

agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal

thought a Primary 1 student should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I

think Harry can go to Primary 3."

The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him

some tougher questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have

only two ?"

Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I

do not have?"

(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a

question!)

Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T,

and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"

(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he

could stop the answer....)

Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out

soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do

sitting down and dog do on three legs?"

(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he

could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of

questions, okay?"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me

down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I??

Harry: "A Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me

when you're bored. The best man always has me first." What am I??

(Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)

Harry: "A Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not we! ll, I

drip. When you blow me, I feel good." What am I??

Harry: "A Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I

come with a quiver." What am I??

Harry: "An Arrow."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in

'K' that means a lot of excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the

teacher, "Put this butt in Primary 6 ! I got the last 10 questions all

wrong myself."

[Guest dash]

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it will say some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she will have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then stared at her and said,

"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,

"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith, how are you!"

[Guest dash]

The wife is busy frying eggs, when her husband comes home.

He walks into the kitchen and immediately starts yelling:

"CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! MORE OIL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM NOW!!!

WE NEED MORE OIL!!! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!!

TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!

THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!"

The wife is very upset: "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"

The husband calmly replies: "This is to show you what it feels like, when I am driving and you sit next to me..." :punk1:

[Guest kopimonster]

lol...really enjoyed the last one

[Guest dash]

Ah Beng, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself

out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went

to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs

for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" Beng said

"How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him where the

paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The man's wife,

inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he

realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man

replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."

A short time later, Ah Beng came to the door to collect his money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Ah Beng answered, "and

I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man

reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," Ah Beng added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Falarlee." :bboyspin:

[Guest narmi]

OMIGOD DASH!!

you made my day man!!

[Guest angela]

:death:

??? read too many jokes until kill yourself?

[Guest sy69u]

wtf!!!! hahahaha... dumb beng

[Guest angela]

ooi, good stuff guys, happy vesak day :punk1:

[Guest fruitcakepablohoney]

Good Stuff Dash! :thumbsup: